thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
