Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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