He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
