I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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