I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
