capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
