zippers are such a cool invention
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
