I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
