went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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