I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
