She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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