The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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