Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
