chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
