She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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