Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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