How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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