Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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