she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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