The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
