What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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