i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
