Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
