My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
