margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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