For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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