The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
