why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
