THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
