saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
