R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
third nipple confirmed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
