dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
