He disabled his match.com account in front of me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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