New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
