I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
