I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there's paper in my vomit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
