11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Duck Duck Cougar?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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