I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
