I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
