I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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