my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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