...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
