Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
