omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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