but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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