We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
