Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
