you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
