I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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