Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
