i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
