My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
